Eyesore.

6:30 pm

2009-03-24T16:30:00.001-07:00

the Young Man came to the Old Man seeking counsel.

I broke something, Old Man

How badly is it broken?

It's in a million little pieces.

I'm afraid i can't help you.

Why?

There's nothing you can do.

Why?

It can't be fixed.

Why?

It's broken beyond repair. It's in a million little pieces.

5:25 AM.

2009-03-05T02:48:00.000-08:00

[day one]

i think i might be an insomniac and that sucks.

i went to bed tonight around 2:30, laid there for around 20 minutes thinking about how i still need to tell my dad about my tattoos because summer is coming up and i can't be walking around in sweatshirts and whatnot in 80 degree weather, blah blah blah. THEN, i started to think about how fucking messy my apartment was. This thought would not go way for another 20 minutes or so, and i decided i would not be able to sleep unless i cleaned it.

So what do you think i did?

I cleaned it.

Most of it. I didn't do the dishes because they're disgusting. But i gathered 3 trash bags worth of garbage, cleaned my room up, gathered all the dishes together even though i didn't really wash them, and by the time i was done it was around 4.

Today, i need to wake up at 8, so i figured since i wasn't tired, i was better off staying awake until class. So that's where i'm at right now, sitting up in my bed with the lights on, drinking coffee with 2 high caffeine shots of black coffee (caution:limit 2 per day) in it, all while listening to a playlist of 2 songs on repeat, and writing this.

Never Better.

i can feel the caffeine starting to take effect and i'm typing extremely fast. i should be a secretary one day.

2 Song Playlist:

-"The Wolves (Act I and II)"- Bon Iver

-"A Song For a Lover of Long Ago"-Justin Vernon

March 17th, 2008. Charleston, South Carolina. 4:12 pm.

I heard it was lonely up there at the top.

Reading old notebooks is so weird to me. I've found myself doing it all the time lately. I feel like i've changed so much in the little time that's gone by that i can't even relate to the entries that i wrote less than a year ago.

February 20th, 2008. day two/three, 12:12 am.

February 21st, 2008. 12:17 am.

February 21st, 2008. day four? three?, 11:15 pm.

March 2nd, 2008.

"Fuck"

take a look at me now.

keeping track. some scribbles. a math problem. a text message from lauren that i wrote down. a list of things to bring to chicago. medusa drawing. poems. a hiding spot (so i don't forget.)

Playlist 2:

Coldplay. Bon Iver. Anthony Green. Justin Vernon. POS. Bruno. Owen. Right Away, Great Captain.

"What is your worth now? No more black and friction, no more deep breath. Always."

God, I am losing my mind.

NOW ALLLL YOUR LOVE IS WASTED, AND THEN WHO THE HELL WAS I?

i think i could just sit here and type out song lyrics, but i'll spare whoever is deciding to read this long thing.

I need to refresh back home for a few days. I am 762 miles from my home. I miss my family I miss my friends.

I'm okay. I'm doing okay.

3/3

2009-03-03T14:57:00.001-08:00

to have and to hold, for better or for worse, to love and to cherish,

'til death are we apart.

2.09

2009-02-09T10:11:00.000-08:00

rest in peace.

Stolen.

2009-02-08T23:49:00.001-08:00

XO

2009-01-22T20:24:00.001-08:00

www.myspace.com/xopublishing

truth.

2009-01-08T02:00:00.000-08:00

you're fucking spineless, you try too hard, and nothing you do makes sense to me. why i'm still analyzing any of this is fucking beyond me.

VICTORY

2009-01-01T16:26:00.001-08:00

I GAINED 10 POUNDS SINCE AUGUST

YESSSSSSS

verbatim

2008-12-10T20:45:00.001-08:00

"just another talented slacker"

favorite albums of 2008.

2008-12-07T16:00:00.000-08:00

(in no order)
+For Emma, Forever Ago & [Unreleased] Blood Bank EP-Bon Iver

Both amazing albums. For Emma... is mostly just folk songs, acoustic guitar and voice, some stomping and stuff here and there. Blood Bank gets a little more into the musical side of things, introducing more instruments, a more ambient feel, and much sadder than the full length.
Top Tracks: off For Emma, Forever Ago- "Skinny Love" (but also check out the live version on the Jool's Holland show on youtube, will make you cry) and "Creature Fear"
off Blood Bank- "Blood Bank"

LINKS-For Emma- http://www.megaupload.com/?d=IF3P61VI

EP- http://www.mediafire.com/?ymjbzn3nojz

+Deliverance-Debtor

One of the most solid and hard-hitting EPs i have ever heard come out of the area. I think i listen to this 3-4 times a week because it's that good. Amazing vocals, instrumentation blows my mind. Multiple layers of guitar and vocal work, amazing lyrics, i could go on for a while about this album. 8 tracks, 12 minutes.

Top Tracks: "None Righteous," "Salvaged"

LINK- Buy it.

+Shudder-Bayside

Catchy as hell. Plain and simple. Picks up where The Walking Wounded left off, so no big changes, just another good album from Bayside.

Top Tracks: "No One Understands," "The Ghost of St. Valentine"

LINK- http://www.sendspace.com/file/s7vuf2

+Still, Nothing Moves You-Ceremony

Pretty different than Ceremony's older stuff, but still awesome. Less of the really fast, short songs like on Violence Violence and Ruined, songs seem to have alot more slower halftime-y parts, but still deliver with quick vocals, guitars, drums, blahblahblah. Angry, aggressive, fucking love it.

Top Tracks: "Plutonic Swine Rake," "Birth. Conspire. Be. Upset." "Carrying Flowers"

LINK- http://www.mediafire.com/?e9dtnxbetz1

+The Chemistry of Common Life-Fucked Up

They can't really release anything bad, it looks like. Never disappointed by anything i've heard from them. Pretty singing at times mixed with raw yelling, good for da earz.

Top Tracks: "Son of the Father," "Black Albino Bones"

LINK- http://www.mediafire.com/?uqoke3dboex

+The '59 Sound- The Gaslight Anthem

Loving this album, especially the last few days. Feel of Against Me! with Bruce Springstien as the front man. Good lyrics, good instrumentation, etc, etc, etc. Real catchy. Download it.

Top Tracks: "Great Expectations," "The '59 Sound," "The Backseat"

LINK- http://www.sendspace.com/file/3mimd2

+When Life Gives You Lemons, You Paint That Shit Gold- Atmosphere

Maybe i'm a little biased because Atmosphere has been one of my favorites for a while now, but i personally love this album. It's a bit more down-sounding and slow than previous Atmosphere albums, which leads me to my only problem with the record-it'd not as angry as Atmosphere used to be, which was one of my favorite aspects of older Atmosphere. Still, though, i really like this album. Original beats, lyrics are still good, Slug just rules.

Top Tracks: "Yesterday," "Puppets," "Like The Rest Of Us," "Guarantees"

LINK- http://www.megaupload.com/?d=2NBNTUE0

+Conor Oberst- Conor Oberst

Say what you want about Conor Oberst/Bright Eyes, i don't care, because I think he's great. Conor added a new band behind him on this album, Bright Eyes is now finished, and he seems to be going off of where his last release with Bright Eyes, Cassadaga, left off. Alt-country feel to it, as well as the old Bright Eyes sound. Reminds me of a newer version of Johnny Cash at some points. PLUS! It's actually happy?!?!

Top Tracks: "Sausalito," "Lenders In The Temple," "Souled Out!!!," "Eagle On a Pole"

LINK- http://www.mediafire.com/?vz1uyjw90j4
+Illuminate-Lydia

Single-handedly one of the prettiest albums i have ever heard in my life. 2 amazing vocalists, one guy one girl, and the girl is really cute so that helps. Piano rock-y, with electric parts that can punch you in the face. Can also be conned as emo. Still good.

Top Tracks: All of them. Not kidding.

LINK- http://www.mediafire.com/?eetzfkrx7p3

+The Eventually Home-Right Away, Great Captain!

Andy Hull (Manchester Orchestra Frontman) is a genius.

Top Tracks: "Devil Dressed In Blue," "Cutting Off The Blood To Ten"

LINK- http://www.mediafire.com/?iwoytxvm10y

+Alopecia-Why?

White boy rap, kind of, i don't even know, its really weird music that i can't really describe, but its really good, and it has really weird yet awesome lyrics that will be stuck in your head forever.

Top Tracks: "The Vowels, Pt. II," "The Hollows," "The Fall Of Mr. Fifths"

LINK- http://www.megaupload.com/?d=3hnagwqh

+Heart Burns-Tom Gabel

[can't find the album art and that sucks cause it's awesome.]

Against Me!'s frontman's solo project. Catchy, very similar to what he did with Against Me!, so if you like them, you'll like this. Way better than New Wave, thank god.

Top Tracks: "Random Hearts," "Harsh Realms," "100 Years of War"

LINK- http://www.sendspace.com/file/nuo0gi

+Heavier Than Heaven, Lonelier Than God- Blacklisted

Was extremely pumped for this album before it came out, and was not disappointed. Heavy, fast, awesome lyrics and agressive. Buy the vinyl also cause it's really cool looking.

Top Tracks: "Stations," "Matrimony," "Always"

LINK-http://rs149.rapidshare.com/files/96384920/Heavier_Than_Heaven_Lonelier_Than_God.rar

RUNNERS UP!!!- Volume One- She & Him, Pretty. Odd.-Panic At The Disco (don't judge i loved it.) Trash Talk- Trash Talk, Sings Live!-Colin Meloy, Murs For President-Murs, and Narrow Stairs-Death Cab For Cutie [if anyone wants any of those tell me and i'll put it up]

after doing all this i doubt anyone is going to fully read it. woooooooooooooo. too much time on my hands.

whatev, there's some free music.

Holydayz

2008-12-06T19:59:00.001-08:00

THANKS SCOTT STAPP FOR KEEPIN' UP THE CHRISTMAS SPIRIT.
Stapp 2012.

15 degrees.

2008-12-05T11:21:00.000-08:00

i feel like half the time at art school i'm just shown things that i think are really terrible. kind of like the "movie" we're watching in class right now.

12 days.
288 hours.
17,280 minutes.
obviously pretty excited.

getting through the next week is going to be rough. i slept 6 hours last night, which was great because i had not slept 36+ hours prior to 2 this morning. i've gotten all the writing i have to do out of the way, which is nice because now i don't have to worry about writing a ten page paper. now i just need to start/finish 3 and a half paintings, make my video project, and take an art history final exam. fuck, i'm just seeing how much that actually is right now.
but!
after all this is done i'm home for 5 weeks. then mariana moves in. then chicago will be super great for me.

the tattoo on my back still fucking hurts. i think the whole thing is just one big scab. dude pressed super hard with that thing. ouch.

now is one of those times that i miss high school. i could do literally nothing and still (somehow) pass everything. of all the final projects i had senior year, i think i did a total of 2 of them, and somehow still graduated. don't know how that works.

i think the fact that i'm living (for the most part) by myself in a city 800 miles away from my home is somewhat hindering the whole "christmas spirit" thing for me. i mean, i am excited for the holidays, and i am excited to give gifts and receive gifts and all that, but i'm not feeling it this year as much as i usually do. hopefully when i arrive back in pennsylvania that'll change. i think the fact that i can't smell the candles and the tree and all the baking my sister (who i miss more than life) does at this time takes away form the experience. all i smell is cigarettes and my cat, sometimes the febreze shit we spray, which smells like flowers, or potpourri, or something weird and "high class house" smelling. pfft.

bought two shirts today! and some sunglasses! woo!
also, all my hair will be GONE by the end of this weekend!

download if you like: Trash Talk, Outbreak, Barriers Now Bridges, etc.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/1egwee

i hope that...

2008-10-22T13:21:00.001-07:00

i can look like a monkey and be in a shitty band in a local scene where every band sounds the same and contributes nothing to music whatsoever just like you someday!

http://www.sendspace.com/file/rd4c6h

another.

2008-10-06T00:27:00.000-07:00

http://www.sendspace.com/file/37djbz

so much work.

i find myself being lazy all the time lately, or at least wishing i was a bit more lazy. i have time for schoolwork, and that's basically it. i don't have any more 24 to watch and as lame of a thing it is to be sad about, i actually am.

november 23rd needs to roll around.

24: redemption.

can't fucking wait.

725

2008-10-04T17:15:00.000-07:00

it's getting cold and i love it. or at least it's starting to get cold, high 50's with some sun has always been good. i've had alot of discussions with andrew about how sweatshirt and jeans weather is the best, and that's exactly what it's been in chicago for the past week and a half or so.

i'm overloaded with work. whoever thinks art school is just drawing pictures and painting shit is completely wrong.

i'm going to take jared's idea and start posting some albums up here that everyone should have, i hope you don't mind jared.

Fucked Up- Hidden World

this album has been blowing my mind the last few days. it also has the sweetest artwork on it ever.

http://www.sendspace.com/file/kvz4bu

well,

2008-09-09T02:38:00.001-07:00

nevermind.

2008-07-29T20:55:00.000-07:00

dreading.

fucking

dreading.

07.21.08

2008-07-21T16:03:00.000-07:00

"i can't remember who asked me, but someone asked me, how long i thought that i would be allowed atop this trash heap"

i leave in exactly 30 days.
not a year.
not 6 months.
30 days.

it's unsettling to think that i may not see some of the people that i've grown accustomed to seeing on a regular basis at all anymore. the fact that i am going to college is one thing, but the fact that it will be 800 miles away is another. although i can acknowledge the fact that the oppurtunity is amazing and blahblahblah, i still can't seem to drop the fact that i will be losing people, especially you two.

i remember telling you both that i was leaving. vividly.
i also remember that i haven't been as close to crying as i was at those times since October.
fuck.